Robin Hood (Ridley Scott, 2010)

Robin Hood is not the film you would expect. It chronicles the rise to infamy (or 'famy' depending on how you look at it) that Robin Longstride took when he returned from the Crusades.

The film starts with a siege on a French castle, where Richard the Lionheart, the King of England, is killed. Meanwhile Robin has been put in the stockades with some people he was fighting with, and has made the decision to desert the army once he is freed. His opportunity arises when the king dies, and he, along with Little John, Will Scarlet and Allan A'Dayle (whoever that is). One his way he encounters an ambush on the King's Crown return party, which he, along with his 'merry men' in turn ambush themselves. They kill a few French soldiers and he (Robin) shoots Godfrey, the main antagonist of the film, across the mouth, scarring him. They meet a dying Robin of Loxley, who asks Robin (Longstride - Russell Crowe) to return his father's sword which he stole. This part confused me, because if you've never heard the story of how Robin Hood came to be, you wont know that Robin Longstride was a bad ass archer who was just a pauper, and Robin of Loxley was one of the King's knights. Robin Longstride then assumes the identity of Robin of Loxley (who was the one from Nottingham - I thing Longstride was from Darlington) in order to return the crown to England and Loxley's father's sword. Meanwhile King Richard's stupid younger brother Prince John has shacked up with the French King's niece, and is generally a tool. He get's proclaimed king, kicks out the chancellor and puts his stupid friend Godfrey (yes, the French guy who everyone knows is a badd'un) as the new chancellor, ordering him to go up north and collect taxes on pain of death from burning and swords.

Anyway to cut a 140 minute film short, Robin pretends to be the wealthy Robin, he gets emotionally invested in Nottingham and Marion, and unites the King and the north to fight the French who Godfrey invites to have a little invasion. Of course he wins, and then gets cast out by King John because he's much cooler and everyone likes him, but everyone thinks King John is a tool.

I had a few issues with the film, my main one being Marion. She waited 10 years for her husband to return from the crusades, having only spent about a week being married to him before he left. She then fancies new Robin, once he acts as her husband (she is fully aware he isn't, they are putting on a show for the people so she can keep her land) which to me, seems silly. She waited 10 years, for a man she dropped at the tip of a hat for someone PRETENDING TO BE HIM. That to me seems messed up. Robin Longstride stole Robin of Loxley's lifestyle as a 'favour to the Loxleys'.
Gripe number 2 is Russell Crowe's accent. Was he Irish? Australian? English? Get it together Russell.

Also, there was an awful lot of cheese in the film. Not the cool kind of cheese either, like Cheddar or Montery Jack, no, the corny type (what an odd concept). It can all be epitomized by Marion's line during the beach battle against the French which went "This one's for you Walter" (I should explain - Walter was Robin of Loxley's blind father who tried to defend himself against Godfrey when they came to Nottingham. Godfrey killed him). Marion then rode over to Godfrey, got beaten up because she had no place being on a battlefield and luckily Robin saved her, then carried her through the battlefield for a bit like in The Bodyguard, only there was no awesome kicking, just Russell Crowe not getting attacked because it was an emotional moment.

However despite all this I did enjoy the film, it was a lot of action, fun to see something about Nottingham (even though it wasn't really) and good to see some feral children doing their bit too. I would recommend seeing it, but only if you've got a lot of time cos it's a long stretch, but it doesn't feel like it while you're watching. See it once, talk about it for a bit, then forget about it.